Cake Talk

Opening a Bakery: The Taxman Cometh

I wish someone had told me it was an absolute certainty we would be audited for state sales tax within the first three years of being in business before it actually happened. I am not a dishonest person, just ignorant when it comes to tax codes.  If I had known about the audit, I would have made a greater effort to understand all the tax codes and requirements.  And read all the small print.  And asked more questions of my accountants. And been more firm with my customers.  And I would always carry a copy of my tax ID and resale certificate with me when I shop.

A very nice lady from the Alabama Department of Revenue has been studying our books in great detail over the last couple of weeks. Luckily I am reasonably organized and still have every bank statement, deposit slip and credit card receipt ever generated at the bakery, as well as every receipt for everything I ever purchased from day one and before.

And our point-of-sales system is capable of giving me more information about every sales transaction than I could ever hope to remember on my own.

We still owe money.

So here are seven things we learned during the audit about sales tax in Alabama:

1. You have to pay tax (Use Tax) on used equipment when purchased from a liquidator, but not when purchased directly from the prior user.  Of course you always pay tax on new equipment.
2. You have to pay Use Tax on equipment (new or used) purchased through internet auction sites (such as E-Bay) unless you can prove that the seller was actually using the equipment before they put it up for sale.  It does not matter if the seller (and the equipment) is in a different state, and it is YOUR responsibility to report and pay Use Tax on non-taxed purchases as they occur.
3. You have to pay tax on 'shipping and handling,' but not if it is just 'shipping.'
4. You do not have to pay tax on items you purchase for resale.  HOWEVER, providing lunch to your employees is not considered resale and you will be required to deduct purchases of ingredients that may end up as employee meals, no matter how small that amount may be.
5. Just because a customer tells you they are eligible for tax exempt sales, AND they provide you with a state tax ID number, does not mean every purchase they make meets the tax exempt criteria.  And it is YOUR responsibility to know when to collect tax.
6. On the other hand, should YOU pay sales tax on items you buy for resale (such as emergency purchases at the grocery store when you run out of milk or butter), too bad. The state is not responsible or liable for your omission or your inability to claim your exemption every time you purchase an item.  You should have the forethought to properly and thoroughly claim your tax exempt status every time you make an eligible purchase.
7. No infraction is too small or too old to be ignored.

Who knew?

The Blue Angels are coming to town

Just when you think Northport is too small to be noticed...the Blue Angels are coming to town next weekend on April 4-5.

Actually, they are coming to Tuscaloosa, since the city annexed the plot of land the airport sits on, but you have to go through Northport to get there -- you'll even pass right by our bakery.  And this little airport (officially Tuscaloosa Regional Airport), which has no commercial flights, is hosting one of  THE most famous air shows in THE COUNTRY.  They even paved the runway, just for this event!  OK, it was already paved, so they re-paved it.

The event is free to the public, but special seating is available. Grand Stand Seating (bleachers) is $10 per day;  Reserved Seating (assigned seats at the front of the crowd line) is $20 per day; Chalet Seating (tent, table and chairs plus box meal) is $50 per day.

Our advice?  Bring a lawn chair and spend the money you would have forked out on seats for some airplane cookies from Mary's on your way to the show.

Or have a Blue Angels party and get a really big cake in the shape of an airplane like this one we did for a groom's cake last week. 

See you there!

How NOT to ask for a donation

The phone rings. Pat answers.

-- Is Mary in?
-- May I ask who is calling please?
-- It's Jane from the Tax Collector's Office.

Pat passes me the phone with a sympathetic smile and a whispered message that the Tax Collector is on the phone.  We've been going through a sales tax audit these past two weeks, so I stop what I am doing to take the call.

-- This is Mary, how may I help you?
-- This is Jane from the tax collectors office...but I am also on the board of the Teacher's Credit Union, and we are having a fund raiser next week...

And she goes on to ask me if I would donate some baked goods "like I did last year."

-- No I'm sorry but we cannot participate this year.

And I hang up.  Absolutely fuming because she had the nerve to say she was calling from the Tax Collector's Office.

Caller ID is wonderful.  I scrolled down to her number and called back.  Got a generic voice mail message "thank you for calling the Tuscaloosa County Tax Collector's office.  If you are calling during business hours..."

So I left a message.

-- Hi, this is Mary from Mary's Cakes in Northport.  I'd like to let you know that Jane from your office used your phone to solicit me for a donation to the Credit Union.  As a taxpayer I resent the fact that you allow your employees to use your office resources and their affiliation for personal gain.  And I think it is terribly unethical.

So about an hour later Jane calls me back to apologize, explaining that she is so used saying she is "Jane from the Tax Collector's Office" she was not thinking, and did not mean to imply that the call was in any way related to her work.

But I wasn't ready for this to be over because I didn't think Jane was being sincere, she was just caught red-handed.

-- Jane, let me tell you what my problem is.  You call me from your official phone, and tell my employee you are from the tax collector's office and you need to speak with me.
-- I was calling during my break
-- I don't care if it was your break, using your official phone for non-official business is unethical to say the least.  If one of my employees used my bakery phone to call and solicit people for donations not  specifically related to the bakery, I would fire them.
-- I'm sorry, I won't call you again. Please accept my apology.

Unfortunately I have to go to the Tax Collector's office next week to renew my car tag.  I hope she doesn't hold a grudge.

Cleaning Day

I am definitely not a pack rat, but I am not a neat freak either.  I may throw away more stuff than most people but I do get sentimental about certain things.  Yesterday was the day I decided to clean house.  And since I wasn't really interested in washing windows and toilets, I decided to concentrate on the boxes in my guest bedroom that have been taking up space and collecting dust since I moved in six years ago.

They mostly contained old books and folders of papers that used to be important to me.  Like my finance textbook from business school: Handbook of Modern Finance (1988).  It was boring back then and I have only kept it this long because I had invested over $100 on that little bugger.  And my personal copies of studies (from my business consulting days) that clients had spent tens of thousands of dollars on (and I had spent hundreds of billable hours on).  I just don't care what the per capita consumption of paper in Poland was in 1990 anymore.  Or what percentage of Alabama's forests was owned by industrial landowners.

Now I mainly care about cakes and cookies and pastries.  So I also tossed the textbook containing formulas for calculating a standard deviation (and scores of other formulas), also known as Modern Statistics.  But I kept my dictionaries.  Even the Polish-English Paper Industry Dictionary (signed by the author), and the Finnish-English and French-English dictionaries (not signed but earmarked).  I also kept the pocket-sized map of Paris (by arrondissement) because the street names and locations probably have not changed in the last 20 years. Who knows, I may go back there some day and it would come in handy.

And I kept copies of the many industry magazines that contained articles I had written during my career in the forest products and paper recycling industries.  I read them over and decided they were still interesting, and could not bear to give them up.

I may change my mind about some of this stuff.  The trash man does not come until tomorrow.

Redneck for a Day

Thursday I was a judge for a wild game cookoff.  It was totally out of character for me but it was fun.  I spent the afternoon and evening talking about hunting and guns, listening to country music, and drinking beer.  This is how I know I was a redneck...

1. I got up early to see the color photo of me with our deer cake on the front page of the West Alabama section of our local newspaper, and then called everyone I knew would be up at 6 am just to tell them about it.
2. When a bride came in to talk about her wedding cake, saw our deer cake sitting on the worktable, and then commented that the legs were going in the wrong direction, I immediately cut the back legs off the deer and repositioned them facing forward.
3. When the person in charge of the judges yelled "Git er done!" I knew exactly what he meant.
4. I sampled fried rattlesnake, wild boar, venison chili and catfish gumbo prepared by cook teams named "Critter Cookers," "Bone Apetite, and "Pig Fitters."  Then awarded the highest number of originality points to the fried rattlesnake.
5. 
6. It seemed perfectly normal that people were walking around with shotguns.
7. It didn't bother me that the only photo I have of the cake at the cook-off has porta-potties in the background.
8. I spent $18 in the silent auction for a sign with wooden bass that says "Big Mouth in Charge" and it is hanging proudly on my front door.

Only in Alabama...that's why I love living here!

Raising Deer at the Bakery

Tomorrow I am judging a Wild Game Cook-Off sponsored by the Alabama Wildlife Federation at Woods & Water, Tuscaloosa's largest independent outdoors store.  Before you start laughing hysterically remember that while these days I mostly create cakes and pastries, I WAS trained as a hot food chef.

We thought it would be nice to bring a full size deer cake.  After all, I SERIOUSLY doubt any of the cook teams will be preparing a dessert with wild game, so it's not a conflict of interest or anything.

This is not our first deer.  Which is one of the reasons I offered to do it.  We've raised deer before and we're pretty good at it (if I have to say so myself).

It takes about a sheet and a half of cake (red velvet of course -- except for the tail which is white cake) for a white tail deer to serve about 200 guests.  And a clean (new) deer form with antlers for the head (we happen to be down the street from a taxidermist).  The rest is pure fun.

Building up the hips and legs is the most difficult part to get right.  Then making the ears and feet from truffle mix.  Finally, the icing on the cake, in various shades of brown and white.

You'll have to wait until tomorrow for the full grown deer cake.  To see an earlier generation, visit our website and scroll down.

From the Mouths of Babes

We give cookies to children.  We like to keep them happy.  We like to keep the moms and dads happy.  We want them all to remember Mary's as a fun place.  They get to pick one from the case, which is a fun experience.

And we don't want children to sulk or scream or whine or pout or otherwise disrupt the bakery while they are here.  Putting a cookie in their hand is usually a good start in this direction.

Two-year-olds are not usually picky (although there is the occasional spoiled child, or the child just up from a nap -- or overtired and overdue).  But, you can often pick any cookie from the display case and hand it to them to produce an instant smile.

First-timers and exceptionally shy children are also easy to please.  Their eyes say they want a cookie but their lips are shut tight.  With the gift of a cookie, we often become instant friends for life.

Older children in Alabama have often been taught to be extremely polite with adults.  We never know if they are happy but they are quick with the "yes m'am" and "thank you m'am."

It's the middle aged children that are the hardest to please.  The 3-, 4- and 5-year olds.  They are very independent and exceptionally honest.  We have one young boy who comes in several days per week with his mother.  He likes picking out a decorated shortbread cookie.  Unfortunately, lately, the selection has been slim.  Mostly shamrocks.  And, as a frequent visitor, he's probably bored with them.

Yesterday was the worst day in a few weeks in terms of decorated cookies.  It was St. Patrick's Day and we were out of shamrocks, and had not finished decorating the new batch of Easter and Spring cookies.  I offered him a glazed (but not decorated) cookie, but he refused, eventually settling for a snickerdoodle (which in his opinion  did not have enough sprinkles...)

He came in today and I was able to offer him a selection of decorated bumble bees, butterflies, bunnies, ducks, sheep and flowers.

Big smile.  "THESE are the ones I like" he said, "the DECORATED ones."

And, all is well with the world.

Shades of Green

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

We made Irish Soda Bread with graham flour, carraway seeds and raisins.  It's light and delicious, with just a touch of sweetness from the raisins.

For lunch, we made corned beef sandwiches (on our own 12-grain bread).  I had to call four local supermarkets before I could find the corned beef, but hey, this is Alabama... Not exactly known for it's Irish population.  The closest city with a St. Paddy's Day parade is Birmingham, 50 miles away.

And, the closest thing we have to green (in terms of a uniform) is a teal T-Shirt.  That's green, isn't it?  Apparently, Wikipedia calls it blue, even though it is a mixture of blue and green.  When I ordered new T-Shirts a few weeks ago (we had been wearing black and crimson), I was thinking spring colors.  We got light yellow, fuscia (aka hot pink), periwinkle blue, brown (chocolate) and teal.  My first thought was a color called "kiwi," which was more like a bright yellowy lime green, but my fashion-conscious female employees didn't think they would look "good" in the brighter color, so we settled on teal.

Now here we are on St. Patrick's Day with nothing to wear.  But, in the immortal words of Scarlet O'Hara in Gone With The Wind, "tomorrow is another day."

Sausage Cake

Just when you think you've been asked to do all the most unusual of cakes, a new customer walks in and a star is born.  Think red velvet.  Think black ganache.  Think "Wilton Method" checkerboard. Think silver luster-sprayed Lifesaver "crimps." Think custom designed and laminated label (sorry we didn't attempt to make an edible label a la "Ace of Cakes" (but we didn't charge their fee either...)

And there you have it. A unique gift from an advertising agency to a prospective customer illustrating their creativity.  Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentices should take note.  It's a great play on words, and they even got the letter "Z" right.

And, in case you're not from Tuscaloosa (home of Zeigler Meats), here's the original packaging.  While we can't take credit for the idea, the execution is pretty darn good.

Willie King, 1943-2009

On Sunday, March 8, 2009 the outstanding Alabama blues musician Willie King passed away near his home in Old Memphis, Alabama on his 66th birthday, following a massive heart attack.

I had never seen him perform, but knew him through local blues artists Rick Asherson and Debbie Bond, the husband and wife blues artists who play at the shop on Art Night. In this photo from the Tuscaloosa News, that's Rick on keyboards in the blue shirt and Debbie on guitar between Rick and Willie.

Born in Mississippi, he moved to west Alabama with his sharecropping parents at a young age and started playing a one-string guitar at age nine.  His career took him from juke joints in Alabama and Mississippi to blues festivals all over the world.  He was named Blues Artist of the Year by Living Blues Magazine in 2004 and the Alabama State Council on the Arts is scheduled to present him with its Folk Heritage Award in May. Now that will be done posthumously.

Beyond awards and recognition, Willie King was also a consummate blues man.  He found time to teach and talk to children about the blues in school programs and blues camps offered by the Alabama Blues Project.  That's how we heard about him.

We made him a birthday cake last year with a red guitar on top.

King performed his last concert Saturday night in Columbus, Mississippi. He will be missed but lives on through his music.  Hear him play "I am the blues" on myspace.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The funeral is scheduled for Sunday, March 15th, and will be held at the City Hall in Aliceville, Alabama, with viewing the day before at Lavender's Funeral Service, Aliceville. Timing and other details will be posted, when available, at Willie King's web site, www.willie-king.com.